the 9 most terrifying English words...

The nine most terrifying words in English...

*drumroll*
are; well at least in Zimbabwe are-

'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'....



For those who were wondering why I'm so gooooood in Maths, here is a snippet of my secret.
This should hopefully teach all those psychometrics people how to fully validate their questions to enable local people to identify with the questions. Its not that hard, honestly;)

June 2000 Maths Exam

Time allowed: Negotiable.

Examination Instructions

1. Please, write all answers between the lines.
2. No part of this answer book may be rolled and smoked.
3. No children of students are allowed to participate.
4. Please leave all firearms in possession of parole officers.
5. Bribes will be accepted at a minimum of $300.00 (yes US not ZIM)
6. If this exam does not match the one that you bought in Advance please
notify the examiner.
7. The shibeen will be open for thirst quenchers during the beak.

QUESTION 1

Thandiwe has an AK47 with 2 magazines taped together, each holding 75 rounds. If he misses 8 out of 10 shots, how many drive-by taxi shootings can he attempt before having to reload?

QUESTION 2

Phineas has a 12-seater minibus. To avoid discomfort he never carries more than 23 people. Assuming each passenger weighs 85 kg, and piles another 35 kg of luggage on the roof, he drives at 140 km/h and that his brakes are 25% efficient, what would his stopping distance be?

a) 300 m
b) 600 m
c) 10 m, as there is another passenger to pick up.

QUESTION 3

Jacob is employed as a garden boy for 1 day a week in 3 Households. Assuming that he can make a lawnmower last for 3 months, how many lawnmowers will the households have to purchase over a period of 2 years?

QUESTION 4
In grade 7 (12 years old), Jackson has made 4 girls in his class pregnant and another 6 from other classes. How many girls will he have made pregnant before he leaves school if he Matriculates on his 28th birthday?

QUESTION 5

Samuel and his friends, altogether 6 of them, can each drink 35 bottles per day of Black Label before falling over. How many Black label trucks do they need to hijack per year assuming that each truck holds 120 bottles (its a small truck dimwitt, we can't afford bigger ones)?